Saturday, February 14, 2015

Gratitude & Love

After our first fundraiser towards creating our family, I am complete overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed with gratitude. 
Overwhelmed with love. 
Overwhelmed with hope.

I wanted to not only thank each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart, but let you know that you are all such a blessing to us. From the deepest depth of my soul, I am grateful. WE are grateful. (I just happen to be the writer & poster, so I will say “I” a lot when I absolutely mean “we”--- forgive me.) There is no way we could possibly ever express our gratitude and love for all of you. Not only to those who donated gifts and services towards the gift basket, not only those who purchased raffle tickets, and not only to those who just “liked” our posts on social media, but all of you. Those who have reached out and said “Don’t give up.” Those who have prayed for us along the way. And mostly, those who kept the hope and faith when we lost it for a while.
I just wanted to tell you all what you did for us during our first fundraiser. Because what you did was amazing! I know amazing is a strong word, but not nearly strong enough. I am lacking the words to really explain what your purchase did. It moved  us. It gave us so much strength. So much incredible hope and faith. It made us realize that so many people want this for us as much as we want it for ourselves! We know God is doing big things in our lives. We have seen Him show out for us so much through this journey that it is unbelievable. But seeing Him show His love through our friends and family, is miraculous.  Sometimes it’s the simplest acts of kindness that have the most lasting effects. Sometimes ordinary things impact people in extraordinary ways. And you have all impacted our lives in lasting, extraordinary ways the past 5 years. And that feeling is overwhelming.
A sweet friend gently reminded me early during this decision that the money we fundraise for is not for us, it is for our child. It has nothing to do with us and everything to do with that precious little soul that God will place in our lives one way or another. There are a lot of mixed feelings about asking for help for funding fertility treatments and/or adoption. I understand if you do not agree with it. That is your right. I understand people have the opinion of “nobody helped me with my baby or starting my family, so why should I help someone else?” But some people are not as easily blessed as others. Please open your minds and open your hearts for a moment. Please try to realize something for me. Some people have been through the hardest journey of their lives just to start a family. Just to achieve what is considered “normal”.  Some people have spent their entire savings. We have spent more money than most make in a year just to achieve that “normalcy”… and some still don’t have that family yet. Fundraising and donating is not for us. It’s not for shopping sprees or even for buying ourselves anything. It’s for the child we want. The family we want. We are just hoping for “normal” and unfortunately for us, that will cost us tens of thousands of dollars. I pray people can understand that and see it that way as well! 
So for those who have supported us and helped us, thank you for putting your heart and money towards something so dear to us. Thank you for loving us! So far you have helped us raise over $1500.00 in just 2 weeks! If you only knew how much that really means to us! If you only knew how overwhelmed we are. If you only knew how grateful and hopeful we truly are!
God is amazing and incredible, and if you didn't already know that, I hope you do now! This has been just one tiny way He has proven His faithfulness to us. Thank you for being a part of our story. Of our child's story. Thank you for giving generously and without reservation. Thank you for your kind words and support. Most importantly, thank you for your prayers and love. Thank you for seeking God on our behalf and asking Him for His blessings. He surely hears them and he surely is answering them! We love you all!

xoxo,
Jill & Daniel 

Sunday, February 1, 2015

Valentine's Day Raffle



Special thanks to:
Nikki Henry with Ritz salon
Heather Patrick with Gloss Salon
Maggie Rhodes with Headwaves salon
Whitney Davis with The Nail Bar
Angel Vance with Thrive Wellness Spa

Everyone go like these salon/spa pages and book your next appointment with one of these incredible, supportive women. My heart is overjoyed at the love they have shown by helping with this raffle. 

Saturday, January 31, 2015

The miracle of adoption is not a cure for my infertility...

"Adoption is always the right thing to do..."

Let me begin by being honest in saying that the decision to pursue adoption has always felt like I was giving up on conceiving a child of my own. I have always felt like adoption meant I was moving onto "Plan B". Adoption to me has always felt like telling my husband, "I'm sorry I can't reproduce for you and I give up trying, so lets just adopt." Adoption just felt second best. The fear of quitting, the fear of the unknown, the fear of missing out on pregnancy, the fear of questions, the fear of heartache, the fear of birth mom rejection, the fear of birth mom changing her mind, the fear of expenses, and the fear of giving up treatments all together... It all makes me run from the idea...

Correction--- MADE me run from the idea.


Until now...

It's an amazing thing when your heart changes. When your heart softens. When you feel the work of the Holy Spirit doing something incredible inside of you. I've been humbled and my decision is definitely adoption. Adoption is always the right thing to do. There is never a negative that could go hand in hand with adoption.

Although adoption doesn't cure my infertility, it cures our ache of childlessness and brings glory to God. I am slowly learning the beauty of our infertility journey. I know it is a part of a bigger plan that He has for us. What is something I have repeatedly struggled with and begged and pleaded for God to remove from our life, is now something I find myself thanking Him for. The main reason I questioned my faith for so long is now the very reason I fully believe. I have seen Him work more in me in the two years than ever... all through my infertility.

I can't think of a more perfect way to talk about our struggle. The beauty that God can make from our brokenness when we finally see our struggle as part of His plan. 

The moment my heart was broken was then the reality that Jesus was adopted hit me. I had never really considered that. Jesus was adopted by Joseph. Even though we may sometimes think this fact is insignificant, it proves to me that adoption is not a back up plan. God doesn't make mistakes. He doesn't need a back up plan. His plan of adoption was not only for Jesus, but for us. The only way we can be a part of His family is through adoption.

He predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, 
in accordance with His pleasure and will - Ephesians 1:5 

His adoption of us as His sons was decided in His heart even before the the creation of the world. It was His good pleasure and His will to adopt us. It was His idea, His purpose. It was not an afterthought or a Plan B. He didn't discover it one day as humans orphaned themselves into sin and decide to adopt us into His family. He predestined it. He planned it according to His pleasure and will.

Let me tell you, this realization came at the perfect time. Just as all of His plans do. Infertility is not a curse. It is not punishment. It was placed as part of my story to bring me closer to Him. To help me understand His plan and His love for me. I have learned that my infertility has brought me to the heart of hope in God because He too, even He, especially He has children that He longs to have as His own. Just as He longed for me to understand and just as He longed for me to be His, I have longed. But longing does not mean I must be fertile to be mother. 

He gives the childless woman a family, making her a happy mother. 
Praise the LORD! - Psalm 113:9

This verse doesn't say that God makes infertile women fertile, although He has the power to do so. It says he makes her a "happy mother". The only way a childless woman becomes a "happy mother" is if that woman adopts. 

The miracle of adoption is not a cure for my infertility. Adoption may not take away the pain of infertility. Adoption is not giving up. Adoption is not second best. Adoption is certainly not Plan B. It is God's plan. God's divine perfect plan, established long before the creation of the world. God adopted us for the praise of His glory, just as we adopt for the glory of God's grace.

We have decided to give the turkey basting fertility treatment (a term my husband will love more than me) one more go around but we are proud to announce that we are also pursuing adoption. It may not be today. It may not be this year. But it is happening. The Blakes WILL adopt. No matter how that treatment ends up. It is in our plan. It is part of our purpose. And we are not afraid. 

I'm baaaack...

Raise your hand if you are the worst blogger ever lately...



I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I used to blog too much... but ever since I deleted that entire blog and created this one, I've been slacking! I promise I will try my absolute best to do better from now on. 

Friday, June 20, 2014

remember me?...

I'm sorry I disappeared for the past 4 months. We had some really highs... and some really lows. We went from very hopefully, to pretty hopeless. We are now stuck in the "What now" phase... I promise I will be better at keeping up with this page.

Here, let me update you...

In February we found out that after 5 days of high dose meds, my ovaries had not produced eggs. So my doctor suggested we continue them for 5 more days and come back. I remember thinking "Awesome, you want me to pay MORE money just to feel even MORE like a crazy person, just for a MORE bad news in 5 days... lovely." But, because I was told to do it, we took the medicines for 5 more days. Well... guess what... we had eggs! Not 1 egg, not 2 eggs, not even 3 eggs... but we had 12 eggs!!! Let me explain something in case you don't know this - a healthy "normal" woman makes one egg every cycle. That egg gets fertilized by sperm and creates a baby. Occasionally women will hyper-ovulate and produce 2 eggs that will cause fraternal twins. But identical twins are created when that one egg splits into 2 cells creating 2 identical lives. So, we now have the chance for 12+ babies. UMM... NO! We panicked and freaked out a little bit and went through some options with my doctor. He told us to wait for 3 days and come back. In his years of practice, he has never seen anyone respond as quickly as I did. I went from not responding, to over responding! So, in his mind, hopefully some eggs would shrink over the next 3 days and leave us with a few very healthy eggs! So we waited... Prayed prayed and prayed some more. Well, We were down from 12... but only to 5. FIVE EGGS! That is a possibility of FIVE BABIES! Not to mention the possibility of them splitting to more babies! That's a very slight chance, but still a risky chance. No, I don't want to be Octomom, but who doesn't like the odds of 1 of 5 eggs taking and creating a life!? 5 was not near as scary to me as 12. I was ready to go! Sadly, my doctor refused to do the insemination. 5 eggs is just too risky for their policy. So we were told not to touch each other... actually, we were told "I'm sorry, I know it's Valentine's Day, but you need to sleep in separate rooms!" Well... I'm sorry Doc, but that didn't happen. I put my trust in God's plan and told myself "whatever happens is supposed to happen." And went about our Valentine's plans and family making plans... Well... it didn't happen. So that obviously wasn't God's plan. A few whole lot of tears were shed, but that is nothing new. Onto another month...

March was a little different. Same meds, but instead of doing them for 10 days at the max dose, we tried 9 days at an ever-so-slightly lower dose... PERFECT! We had 2 beautiful eggs. One on each ovary. My lining and eggs both looked "perfect" according to my doctor and nurse. I jumped for joy. I was ecstatic! We went ahead with the insemination and played the 2-week waiting game. Well... right on time... negative. It failed... again.

That was our last (already paid for) insemination. Another negative. So now what? Keep paying $1000 for medication (because my new insurance doesn't cover it), $150 per ultrasound (most months we have needed 3 ultrasounds), $50 semen collection and cleaning/ thawing and $300 for the insemination... Keep paying about $1800 a month for doctor visits and insemination or move onto the idea of IVF? Easier said than done... the average cost of IVF is $14,000+... not covered by insurance... due all at once... out of pocket. Does your pocket have an extra $14,000+ in it? Mine doesn't... So far, we have spent well over that in the past 4 years. Heck, we could have done IVF and adopted by now with the money we have spent... but that was over 4 years. Not in one day...


So, like I said, we are stuck in the "what now" phase... until we come up with $14,000+

Sunday, February 16, 2014

"A Letter To Me" by: From IF To When

Oh the tears. 

What a beautiful letter written to her infertile self on the begining of this journey from the mother she is now. 

http://www.fromiftowhen.com/2013/01/a-letter-to-me.html?m=1

I was 23 when we started seeing doctors, 4 years later- I'm 27 now. Is this a sign?! I feel very connected to this story and pray that I can look back on it one day and say the same thing to the me now. ❤️ 

Saturday, February 8, 2014