Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans12:12

Yesterday I woke up a huge ball of nerves. We were going to see our Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE/ Fertility Specialist), Dr. P, for the first time since moving home from Florida. I adore him and trust him, but getting back in the process after taking such a long break is overwhelming. Money, medicines, numerous test, many visits, and too many emotions to even process formed a lump in my throat. 

Pulling up to the office with my husband beside me brought back every feeling from the last time I left there. We checked in, and had a seat in the private waiting room. (It's funny how we have a "sensitive waiting area". Apparently they don't want us in the same area as the pregnant women to protect our feelings. Thoughtful, but get real... We see them in Walmart, grocery stores, church, at work, and everywhere in between. Can't hide from reality!) 

Anyways, after waiting for over 2 hours (talk about nerves building up!) we walked into Dr.P's office. Immediately a warm sense of comfort and calmness blanketed me. His first words were "Welcome back! We missed you guys!" (He's from up north. He's very soft spoken and doesn't say "Y'all!"... Yankee.) As I sat down, he said "So, we are ready... And we are hopeful." 

Immediately, I smiled from ear to ear. It was like he read my mind. We ARE ready. We ARE hopeful! After maybe 10 minutes, an aggressive plan to move forward, and a RX in hand, we were ready to leave. 2 hours of waiting for 10 minutes of hope... It was worth it for us! 

My cellphone battery had died while in the office. Once I reached my car, I plugged it in and waited (for what seemed like an eternity) for it to charge enough to turn on. My best friends are my everything. My backbone and my biggest cheerleaders. I had to fill them in on our new plan immediately. Of course they are just as ecstatic as us! 

After much excitement, I felt like everything was falling into place. We are right where we are supposed to be. So I curled up in bed next to my husband and slept better than I have in months! Full of peace and full of hope. 

Woke up this morning nervous all over again. Today we met with our new OBGYN. Now, I'm not nervous for the reasons you would think. I'm used to being naked with my feet in stirrups. Get serious. I've been seeing doctors since I was 12. Nothing new for me. But we are meeting someone who is not only checking to make sure no cancer cells are back, we are meeting someone who will deliver our first child.

 ***FYI--- I've seen 6 OBGYNs. Yes 6. You lose your hope in my future plans, you lose me as a patient. As far as getting me pregnant, that's my RE's job! My OBGYN's job is to make sure my cervix/uterus is healthy and once I'm pregnant, my baby is healthy while in my uterus. So don't rain on my parade about actually getting pregnant and we won't have any problems.*** 

So, I'm nervous. Although I've met Dr. J through my best friend, we've never really met and discussed my health/fertility situation. We walked into the office and signed in. Yes, we. My husband joins me to any doctors appointment he is in town for. We are one. This appointment is just as important for him as it is for me. It's not my future. It's our future. 

As the nurse called me back from the waiting room, she wrapped her arms around me and said "Welcome. I'm a hugger so get used to it. I love my patients and believe in spreading love." Let me just say, it made me want to start hugging every single one of my patients from now on. My stress level immediately dropped and I felt at home. 

After blood work and urine sample we were sent to another waiting room. Daniel had already made friends and had them laughing. What's new. As I was filling out my 48292 pages of paperwork, the anxiety creeped back in. Might I add, I absolutely hate the questions: "How many times have you been pregnant? How many love births? How many miscarriages?" Awesome... 

The nurse called me back in just the right moment and placed me in a room. She said "Dr. J will be right in, leave your clothes on." She walked out and as she shut the door I saw the bulletin board of sweet babies and their families on the wall. It didn't upset me honestly. It stung for a quick second and then I quickly started thinking of where I would pin my announcement on the board. You don't want to cover anyone's beautiful child, but you better believe I want mine front and center. 

Well, before I could decide exactly where mine would go, Dr. J came in. She smiled sincerely and said "Well, it's not very often that I get new patients who are already seeing an RE... So tell me your story and tell me how I can help you." After a brief synopsis, she said "I love that you are so aware of your conditions and know what you want from a doctor. Let me start with saying "I can't wait to deliver your babies." Heart. Exploded. 

She stepped out and had me get undressed. Here we go... After the typical yearly exam, she said I have a "perfectly beautiful cervix!" and as far as she can see, no issues. Let me just say, I've never had a good looking cervix. It's always had noticeable problems. Between inflammation, infection, or polyps, something tends to always be going wrong. Awesome genetics huh... 

Anyways, She said everything looks perfect. Whew. So now we are just waiting on pap results to be sure of no cancer cells. Praying. She also added "With your history and your situation, I wouldn't recommend you to anyone BUT Dr. P. Typically, we use another doctor who is in our group, but he's the best. You need the best. If he told me I needed to stand on my head and turn a circle while clicking my heels and repeating a crazy chant in order to get pregnant, I would listen." The fact that my OBGYN trust my RE and recommends him personally, only reassures me that we are in her office for a reason. She left to get some paperwork and RX for me and my phone vibrated I picked it up and realized it was my devotional alert. I figured I had time to read it, so I opened it. If you are standing... Have a seat please. 

He calmed the storm to a whisper and stilled the waves. Psalm 107:29 ❤️

Hello Lord. I hear you speaking directly to me and I am listening and trusting in You! Nerves and anxiety are calmed.  

Just then the door opened, I set my phone down. She said "Oh no, you can keep on I have to write this prescription out real quick." I explained it was my daily devotional. And then God spoke to me again straight through Dr. J's sweet voice. She looked at me with her kind eyes and said "I feel like God has blessed me in every aspect of my life and I feel like I met you this morning for a reason. My devotional was about miracles and then I did a hysterectomy for a lady this morning who said 'you're taking my baby maker out today and I pray God gives it to another lady' and Jill, I believe that's you. I have a really good feeling about us being in each others lives. I know you're in my office for a reason." Speechless. 

Made my entire day! Almost made every day up until now worth it. I love that both of my doctors are so positive that our time is coming, and soon! I love that God is opening the doors to our future. I love that our time is almost here and I faithfully believe we will not be disappointed or let down. I've never been so full of hope.

And then this was sent to me:

"This is a short and sweet word of hope that is strong in my heart for YOU today… Your dream, that desire you have, that unrelenting vision that won’t let go. THIS dream is on its way to you. Nothing can stop it. Assigned. Appointed. Anointed. Kept for you. Prepared for you.And you are being prepared for it. All present circumstances are leading to this dream. Do not doubt for one moment that ALL things are contributing. Preparing. Presenting. Promoting. Providing for this vision that won’t let go. So don’t YOU let go. Be strong and expectant. With hands open and palms up. Heart and mind ready, looking. Not in anxiousness or fear, but in confidence that the dream is near. As all creation was expecting on that Christmas night so long ago. Even still we expect. Expect and look and smile and believe. Your expectations will not be cut off, nor will you be cheated. Expect nothing less than total fulfillment of your dream. Even now it comes with fervency, straight toward you." ❤️

Thank you Lord. Thank You.