Let me begin by being honest in saying that the decision to pursue adoption has always felt like I was giving up on conceiving a child of my own. I have always felt like adoption meant I was moving onto "Plan B". Adoption to me has always felt like telling my husband, "I'm sorry I can't reproduce for you and I give up trying, so lets just adopt." Adoption just felt second best. The fear of quitting, the fear of the unknown, the fear of missing out on pregnancy, the fear of questions, the fear of heartache, the fear of birth mom rejection, the fear of birth mom changing her mind, the fear of expenses, and the fear of giving up treatments all together... It all makes me run from the idea...
Correction--- MADE me run from the idea.
Until now...
It's an amazing thing when your heart changes. When your heart softens. When you feel the work of the Holy Spirit doing something incredible inside of you. I've been humbled and my decision is definitely adoption. Adoption is always the right thing to do. There is never a negative that could go hand in hand with adoption.
Although adoption doesn't cure my infertility, it cures our ache of childlessness and brings glory to God. I am slowly learning the beauty of our infertility journey. I know it is a part of a bigger plan that He has for us. What is something I have repeatedly struggled with and begged and pleaded for God to remove from our life, is now something I find myself thanking Him for. The main reason I questioned my faith for so long is now the very reason I fully believe. I have seen Him work more in me in the two years than ever... all through my infertility.
I can't think of a more perfect way to talk about our struggle. The beauty that God can make from our brokenness when we finally see our struggle as part of His plan.
The moment my heart was broken was then the reality that Jesus was adopted hit me. I had never really considered that. Jesus was adopted by Joseph. Even though we may sometimes think this fact is insignificant, it proves to me that adoption is not a back up plan. God doesn't make mistakes. He doesn't need a back up plan. His plan of adoption was not only for Jesus, but for us. The only way we can be a part of His family is through adoption.
He predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ,
in accordance with His pleasure and will - Ephesians 1:5
His adoption of us as His sons was decided in His heart even before the the creation of the world. It was His good pleasure and His will to adopt us. It was His idea, His purpose. It was not an afterthought or a Plan B. He didn't discover it one day as humans orphaned themselves into sin and decide to adopt us into His family. He predestined it. He planned it according to His pleasure and will.
Let me tell you, this realization came at the perfect time. Just as all of His plans do. Infertility is not a curse. It is not punishment. It was placed as part of my story to bring me closer to Him. To help me understand His plan and His love for me. I have learned that my infertility has brought me to the heart of hope in God because He too, even He, especially He has children that He longs to have as His own. Just as He longed for me to understand and just as He longed for me to be His, I have longed. But longing does not mean I must be fertile to be mother.
He gives the childless woman a family, making her a happy mother.
Praise the LORD! - Psalm 113:9
This verse doesn't say that God makes infertile women fertile, although He has the power to do so. It says he makes her a "happy mother". The only way a childless woman becomes a "happy mother" is if that woman adopts.
The miracle of adoption is not a cure for my infertility. Adoption may not take away the pain of infertility. Adoption is not giving up. Adoption is not second best. Adoption is certainly not Plan B. It is God's plan. God's divine perfect plan, established long before the creation of the world. God adopted us for the praise of His glory, just as we adopt for the glory of God's grace.
We have decided to give the turkey basting fertility treatment (a term my husband will love more than me) one more go around but we are proud to announce that we are also pursuing adoption. It may not be today. It may not be this year. But it is happening. The Blakes WILL adopt. No matter how that treatment ends up. It is in our plan. It is part of our purpose. And we are not afraid. ♥
