This is an actual comment from Judy
Anon on an infertility article posted on the New York Times website.
40 people actually "liked"
this comment.
40 people.
I'm disgusted.
No wonder so many of us suffering
through infertility turn to the anonymous online TTC (trying to conceive) support
community. No wonder so many of us are terrified to share their struggles with
friends and even family. No wonder so many of us feel ashamed and misunderstood.
So many of us are raw, discouraged, angered,
confused, and hurt. Some of us have
suffered multiple miscarriages. Some haven’t been able to ever conceive. Some have
waited years for adoptions that have fallen through (because it's not as easy to "Just adopt" as people tend to think). And most of us have spent
thousands of dollars on our dream of parenthood. The last thing we want to do
is welcome the Judy Anon’s of the world into our secret lives. She is our nemesis.
So we remain quiet and alone in our nightmare.
But the truth is many of us know Judy
Anon. She’s our neighbor. She’s our aunt. She’s our friend from high school.
She’s our co-worker. She’s our Facebook friend. And unfortunately, she probably
doesn’t care how much damage those five words have caused on our already damaged
hearts.
But what Judy Anon doesn’t know is we are a
part of the 1 in 8 couples that suffer from this disorder. We are a special
kind of group family that mostly suffer in silence because of hateful
ignorance like she displayed. It means that we plead, pray, cry, go broke,
breakdown, fall apart, become stronger and wiser, and appreciate the journey
that so many like her take for granted.
But I refuse to let the Judy Anon’s
bully me into the infertility closet. I am standing up for myself and my
infertility family. I refuse to allow
those who don’t understand my struggles to dictate my life.
I came out of the infertility closet
shortly after experiencing a Judy Anon myself. I decided that I wasn’t
going to hold it in any longer. Plus, when you are constantly asked “When are
yall planning on having children?” you need a response. And an honest response.
Which now goes something like this: “I’m infertile. We have been trying for almost 4 years now. It’s
no longer when we are planning on it,
it’s when God is planning on it. And if it's not in His plan for us to have our own children, we will pursue adoption.”
As hard as it was to admit I’M INFERTILE, as hard as it was to label myself and speak of such a taboo subject, it has been a huge
weight off of my shoulders. I'm no longer in hiding. And after feeling so alone
for so long, I have had many friends reach out and admit that they too are
struggling quietly. So many of my amazing friends that tell me how much my
story, my strength, and my faith has helped them. What I wish they knew was how
much they have helped me. Knowing I’m
not alone, is so reassuring. The one and only thing I am thankful for through this struggle, is the incredible friendships I have developed and lives I have touched. I'm humbled.
So to all of the Judy Anon’s out there,
you need Jesus. You can bully us all you want, but the fact that you have zero compassion, is
something you need to deal with
instead of taking it out on us. The fact that you think you can attack sensitive,
delicate women when they are at a very low point in life with your "get over yourself" comment, makes you heartless. The fact that you have no idea how much it cost, how hard of a process is it, how long it takes, or how flawed the system of adoption can be, makes your comment ignorant. To the Judy Anon's out there that obviously have no idea what it's like to walk in our shoes, you're heartless... but you're incredibly lucky.
