2014

Well this year I only have 1 resolution---

Contact Facebook, ask to speak to Mark Zuckerberg directly, and ask him to start banning all pregnancy announcements, ultrasounds, and belly photos. No, his assistant will not suffice, I want him personally. 

No, no... I kid. I kid. Don't get offended it's just a joke people.

New Year’s is often seen as a time of rebirth, the chance to start fresh. You know the whole "new year, new me" crap everyone quotes. In all actuality, less than 19 percent of people completely follow through with their annual resolutions. Well, not me. Not this year. I'm setting my sights realistically this year. I am setting not only physical goals, but fundamental life goals for 2014.

eat healthier healthy/ lose weight

I know I know... Everyone sets this goal and nobody ever successfully reaches their goal. Well, last year I did. I dropped 30 pounds in 8 weeks but for a different reason. I did it for looks. I wanted to be slimmer. I wanted to look good in a swimsuit since I was living in Florida. I was determined and did it with ease. Well, we moved back home where sweet tea and fried foods are a Mississippi delicacy. The weight is starting to come back. Not all 30 pounds, but a good 15. This time I am doing it for a different reason. According to research- Eighty percent of women with PCOS (one of our many diagnoses for infertility) are overweight, tending toward an apple-shaped body type. The easiest treatment for PCOS is weight loss. A weight loss of only 5 percent can improve insulin resistance, leading to improved menstrual function, ovulation, and healthy pregnancies. The best approach is a healthy weight-loss diet and exercise routine. Unfortunately, many women with PCOS have a difficult time losing weight. Luckily, I didn't have a difficult time this past summer, and I pray I won't this time around either. I am going to lose this weight for my health and for my hopes of reproducing. I don't care what I look like in a bikini. Heck, if I was pregnant I wouldn't have a bikini 6 pack anyways! So this time, I am working towards a future plan... Not a figure. 

become a runner

I say this every year. I am seriously dying to be a runner. Don't ask why, I have no good reasons. I don't even like to run. I just want to be a runner. Crazy... I know. But I'm going to make myself learn to love it. I need a healthy hobby. I need quiet time. I love going to the gym to workout and still will go for weights and classes. But gyms are crowded and loud and only located in specific places. I can go on a quiet run... alone... and anywhere! It's a perfect time for me to clear my mind, ease my anxiety, or let out my anger! It also helps with my goal of becoming healthy and getting in shape. 
So 2014... Here I am! Jill The Runner. 

get organized

Research proves the number one stress indicator is clutter. I'm a bit OCD in some aspects, but I don't feel organized. This year I want to make time to organize not only my things, but also my time and my life. 
• I want to organize my things so that I don't feel messy. I want to be able to find my belongings at all times, spend less time cleaning, and be able to utilize my space better. 

• I want to organize my time so that I don't feel stressed or overwhelmed when someone says "Hey, can we get together this week?". Cringe. What do I have to do this weekend? I feel like I had plans already. Crap. Now, I will know exactly what all I have planed and exactly when I'm available. Looks like I need to purchase a good planner.

• I want to organize my life with short term goals and long term goals. Not only do I want to set them, but set deadlines to reach them. 

control finances

No, I'm not going to end up rich by January 2015. I know that. I'm not that naive. But I do want to get my finances in order. I feel like I never have enough money and I know that is only because I need to be more practical with money. My goal is to learn to shop around for better prices instead of spending recklessly. Save. Save. Save. I hope to save a nice cushion for whatever may come our way this year or next (house, emergency, fertility treatment, etc...) I hope to pay off the debt we have now faster and refuse to accumulate any added debt. I want to track how much I spend in each category of my life and find ways to cut spending in each category.  Basically, I just want to realistically get my finances under control... and organized.

spend more quality time with D

My husband is my best friend. My right hand man. My other half. I spend as much time I possibly can with him when he's not working. But, quantity and quality aren't the same thing. I don't feel like most of that time is quality time. In this day in time we are so engulfed with technology and media that we don't have much room in our lives for quality time. It's just so easy to call watching tv "quality time", or eating dinner "quality time". Far from it unfortunately. We don't have a conversation while we are watching tv, we are busy watching whatever is on at the time. And you can't consider eating dinner quality time when we have our faces buried in our phones checking social media or playing games. I want to set time aside every day for genuine quality time. Time apart for sitting on the front porch together and just "hanging out" with each other. Time apart for going for a walk together. Time apart for just us. I want to know more about how his day went and how he feels. I want to pretend like we just met and are getting to know each other again. I want to make the most of our time together. Time is a precious thing you know. 

get to know my family
What is my dad's favorite movie? What is my mom's favorite song? What is my sister's favorite memory growing up with me? These are things I want to ask my family. Again, this comes with spending quality time with them. New Years day will now forever be remembered as the day we laid my grandma to rest. Her funeral was beautiful and very personal and I learned things about her that I never knew. Things I should have known had I spent more time getting to know her. Things I don't want to learn about my parents at their funeral. Things I want them to tell me themselves. I learned from my Uncle where my name comes from. I actually saw the name on my great-great-great-great-great (Yes, that's five greats) grandmother's headstone from the 1800s in the family cemetery where we buried my grandma. How incredible that was to me to see. So meaningful. Physically seeing where I came from. Where my name comes from. Little, yet incredibly beautiful things that make me want to get to know my family better. Though I may be a little late getting to know some family members, I have time left with others. Precious precious time.


be a good friend 

We never need to be or feel alone in this world, but it’s up to us to create and allow opportunities to be together, enjoy each other, and be there for each other. It’s up to us to make our relationships priorities. So with that being said, along with quality time with my husband and family, I want to do the same for my friends. I want to not only be a friend, I want to be a good friend. This means investing all of my attention to my friends when I'm with them. Cough cough. Putting my phone down! I cherish my friendships. We need meaningful connections with other people in this world. It is essential in our personal growth. I need to make sure they know that I need them and cherish my time with them. I need them to know that without a doubt. Making sure they know I'm always here when they need me. Meaning- being available at 2am if need be, if even just to listen. I need to feel comfortable with telling my friends the truth. Even if it isn't want my friends want to hear. I need to practice forgiveness, loyalty, and sincerity. And most importantly, I need to make sure that I support my friends in every decision they make, even if it isn't one I agree with. Friends come and go in life, but it is that good friend that will love you forever. Good friends who I am incredibly blessed with and thankful every second for.

show more genuine love towards my pregnant friends

It is just a shame to let a pregnancy (or lack thereof) change the level of love and respect and friendship that two women can have for each other. I have to admit, it's a painfully awkward situation, but as someone who is constantly praying for a baby, I am genuinely happy for my pregnant friends even during the painful announcement, I just need to learn how to show that better. I am beyond thankful for the infertile friends I have. It's nice to have women who understand this painful,heartwrenching struggle. But I am even more thankful for my dear friends who don't have to suffer this struggle, yet hurt for me the same. I have one precious friend who I love dearly that recently found out she was pregnant. She took me to eat and said "I have something I have to tell you." Of course, I know what is fixing to come out of her mouth. She said she had to make sure that SHE told me before anyone else and before I saw it on social media. Unfortunately this was while I was sitting there in the middle of a gruesome miscarriage process. Her heart, as big as it is, was visibly broken for me. How special of a friend to worry about my feelings and my heart! Here she sits (heart so full it is bursting) over this exciting news of a sweet baby she has been praying for, yet she is heartbroken for me and to have to tell me because of the pain she knew I would feel. Did I feel pain? Yes. Was I jealous? Yes. Did I possibly cry a little out of envy? Yes. Do I still love her unconditionally? Yes. Am I genuinely happy for her? Absolutely. Do I pray for her and this tiny angel? Daily. Am I going to love this little angel as if it is my own child? You bet. So having said this, I am going to work this year on making sure that every pregnant friend or mother friend of mine knows how genuinely happy I am for them. I am going to work on making sure it known that they shouldn't feel uncomfortable tip toeing around with a secret because they are scared it will upset me. Being able to extend genuine congratulations, happiness and excitement to my pregnant friends is a big deal and may be hard...but it's possible and worth shooting for because I love them so tenderly. 

walk closer to God

Teach me your way, O LORD, that I may walk in your truth - Psalm 86:11
I like to consider myself someone who has a personal relationship with God. I talk with God daily. When I hear Him, I respond. When I need Him, I call out to Him. Is this relationship as strong as I would like it to be? No. But as Christians, are we ever as close to God as we want to be? Can't we all walk a little closer? Can't we all spend a little more time with Him? Can't we all give more of our worries to Him? Well, this year I am goind to work on just that. I want to walk a little whole lot closer by His side. I already do a daily devotional, but I want to start a prayer journal as well. My prayers aren't exactly deliberate. I am not specific enough in telling God what I need from Him. Just as before Jesus healed blind Bartimaeus, he specifically asked him what he wanted. Jesus knew the desires of his heart and knew what he wanted. But still made him say it. Prayer is not to let God know what we want, He knows. Prayer is for us. We pray to invite God into our hearts. We pray for fellowship. We pray to help our relationship with God grow. I want to start a prayer journal so that I can be specific about what it is I want. Although God knows what I need, I want to track it. Write it, pray for it, and acknowledge when God answers those prayers. I pray often, but I often catch myself praying for needs and not praying for thanks as much as I should. With the help of an organized prayer journal, I hope to be accountable for my quiet time with God every day and grow through this spiritual walk with God. I hope to become a better Christian woman... a geniune Christian woman.


So 2014, here we are... show me what you've got. ❤️